shoulda thought of that sooner ...

I had an epiphany today.  You know how (especially in Christian mom circles) you always hear that the ministry we have with our children is just as important as any other ministry out there?  It's meant to be a kind of encouragement ... the equivialent of "you're not wasting your time and you really do have a purpose!"  And I get that.  It's true.  Before I was born, God called me to be a mom.  So this really is my calling.

As I've started to dream again, though, a few things are coming to the light.  One, raising my children is not my only calling.  Two, my children are inevitably going to be a part of whatever else my calling is.  Three, my children will have callings of their own.

My epiphany was not really these 3 facts, but more so how these 3 facts should be impacting my day-to-day routine with my son.  I should be preparing him for the ministry that God has called our family to AND for the calling that's on his life specifically.  My prayers for him should be for wisdom in how to prepare him for what's ahead.  Beyond the basics of parenting, what characteristics should I be nurturing in him?  He's such a people person ... how can I cultivate that trait?  I want him to know that no matter where we go or what we do, our family is always a safe place where he can be himself and know he's accepted ... what am I doing to show him that's true and not just tell him that's true?

I know, I know, he's only 18 months-old.  But if I'm not in the habit of this stuff now, it's only going to get harder to start as we have more kids and life gets crazier!

The Bible tells us in James 1:5 that if we lack wisdom, we can simply ask for it and it will be given to us.  So I guess I probably shoulda thought of that sooner, huh ... better late than never!

i have a dream ...

I feel like I'm starting to dream again.  And I love it.

For the first 25 years of my life, I was such a dreamer.  I had so many hopes, visions, goals ... and I just knew that they would happen if I just fought for them.  Somehow, around 25, I either lost the dream or lost the fight (or both) and have drifted into this passionless existence.  I've gotten so used to living in survival mode that I've forgotten what it's like to be excited about something.  No more!

I'm continuing to work on my children's book ... I'm buying pretty things for my home ... I'm blogging again ;) ... I'm going church shopping even though I hate it (because we WILL find the right one!!) ... I'm looking at other jobs to apply for ... it's so freeing!  I'm even starting to think of what I'd like to do when we're done reproducing ... and why not?  So what if it changes in the next few years?  I LOVE having vision again.  I didn't realize what a slump of mundane living I was in until I made the decision to walk out of it.

My latest dream is ministry ... I just feel so called to minister to women.  I'm not oblivious to how arrogant that probably sounds, but you know ... God has given me wisdom when I've asked for it.  And I don't believe that it's just for me.  God has clearly made me a relational person; my "sweet spot" tends to be when I'm talking to a friend and helping them through the trials that we all face.  I have no idea how, what, when, or where, but I know that I'm asking for direction.  Do I go back to school for counseling?  Do I start a Bible study?  Do I start an advice column?  We'll see!

But for now, it's so nice to dream ...